Updated Blurb

My novel’s changed a fair bit between the last time I updated this site, so I felt that it was important to change the blurb on the homepage too. Here’s the updated blurb:

Wayne is just another faceless, orphaned boy in a backwater city, until a conflict with another orphan spirals out of control. He wakes up in hospital, where he’s told he’s a Neohuman – a person with special abilities – and offered a place at a school for people just like him.

The school isn’t exactly a restful place, the days sprinkled with full-contact sparing sessions and psychotic maths teachers, but Wayne has never felt more at home.

When he becomes the target of a shadowy organisation and stumbles into a shocking web of conspiracy, he must use all of his newfound skills to survive. Alone, powerless and hunted by the very people he must protect, can Wayne outlast the night?

Are there any ways I could improve this? Do you think it’s a bit lengthy? Does it give too much away? Does it make you want to read it? Any feedback/thoughts would be much appreciated. 🙂

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7 thoughts on “Updated Blurb

  1. For a blurb, it’s probably a little too long (although some blurbs do reach that length). But I think it would work as a short synopsis if you were pitching your piece.

    One thing – I think “before it’s too late” might come off as a little stereotyped. Plus, since you haven’t actually specified what “before it’s too late” is referring to (e.g. are they going to do something to Wayne, or kill his comrades, or destroy the world etc) maybe you could replace it with “before such-and-such happens”.

    Just my thoughts. Anyway, good work! And hooray for Australian writers! 🙂

    • Thanks for the feedback. I might cut out ‘before it’s too late,’ now that I’ve heard your thoughts. I’ll definitely try to cut it down as well. I’m already thinking that I might remove all the references to the Guard, because Wayne getting into the Guard is a minor plot arc. Thanks :).

      • I’ve also heard that it’s good to have a one-or-two sentence “strapline” that summarises your story’s main idea. If you’re thinking of pitching to a publisher, they like to know you can explain the overall story very succinctly, and straplines are often used in face-to-face pitches or query letters. Or so I’ve heard.

        Nice work! I look forward to reading more.

    • This is better. Nice work!

      A couple of small things – you could just say he’s a “faceless orphan” since his name already tells us he’s a boy. And if you don’t want to repeat “orphan” twice in one sentence, you could make the second one “boy”.

      Also, you spelled “sparring” as “sparing”.

      These are just picky little things, nothing important. Overall, good work! 🙂

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