Editing my Exposition

Hey there! Followers/keen fans/wonderful people of this site might have recently seen the post Progress Update, and a few other Things…, in which I pledged to share several extracts from my story with you, a followers/keen fan/wonderful person. Well, here’s the first one of those aforementioned extracts!

Obviously, the main issue with these extracts is that you probably don’t have a complete knowledge of all the previous events in the story up until this point. Fortunately, that isn’t a major issue for this particular extract, as its simply describing the setting of an event. Nevertheless, I’ll give a brief explanation of the context of the extract (sort of like a mini blurb).

This is the beginning of Wayne’s (the main character) first ‘practical exercise’ at the Aeon Academy (his school, which I’m sure you all know has super-powered students from the homepage’s description). These practical exercises take the form of paintball shootouts, or, in this case, laser skirmishes. They are a team building-exercise, and are used by the school to asses the leadership qualities of its students. Wayne, a strong leader in his year, in charge of his class, the purple team. At this stage, they have just finished watching a video that explains the rules of the exercise …


The video over, the purples had eight minutes to kit up and find positions in the building before the exercise began. It took three minutes for the group to get ready. Wayne made sure that everyone knew what group they were in and what their job was, before they jogged out of the briefing room, and took up positions inside their territory.

It was dark inside, the only real source of light their illuminated clothes. The ceiling was about seven metres above ground level. The lowest two metres of the room was covered in a sprawling, turning maze, constructed out of dark, matte wood, like the rest of the room. Rapid turns, dead ends and short corridors made it both tense and difficult to get through this area.

The maze got denser towards the middle of the square building. Around the edges, and at the eight bases, relatively clear patches of land made it hard for attackers to overcome defenders. Above the maze, raised platforms, walkways and sniping positions offered a speedy method of transport. However, they came with a price. They generally lacked cover, which made it easy for one walking along it to be shot from multiple angles. They were grilled, which let shots come up straight through the floor. By the same token though, people standing on walkways could easily shoot down at the unsuspecting below.

The purple base was raised above the ground on four broad stilts, giving it a commanding view of its surroundings. Four low walls, a metre and a half high each, connected to each of these pillars, creating yet another option for the defense. This area could only be entered by a ladder from the second story of the base above. The trapdoor over this could be closed in the unlikely event that the enemy managed to scale the low wall, which featured a metre deep, two metre wide trench on the other side. The wall also contained a number of unique refractors about twenty centimetres square. They were sort of like one way mirrors, only letting defenders see and shoot out through them. However, these refractors had a purpose built flaw that slightly changed the direction of the laser, giving attackers some chance.

The only reasonable way into the second story of the base was via a long, straight ramp. Metre high barrels were spread out haphazardly on it, giving attackers tiny patches of cover.

The second story was a single room, a five metre square with a two and a half metre ceiling height. On three sides, the wall rose to half this height at its lowest, with fifty centimetre crenels providing additional elevation. The other wall was barely a metre from the wall of the building itself, and was completely parallel to it. It extended fully to the ceiling, and held the purple’s dome in its center. The dome could only be shot by someone standing less than a meter from it. As for the interior of the base, it was relatively open. A wall with several refractors stood three meters, at right angles, from the end of the ramp as a last-ditch hold out. It was possible to shoot down the ramp through the refractors in this wall.

Spread around the base, on the floor, were four tall, skinny sniping towers. These were about four meters tall, and could only be accessed by a ladder from its base. This led up to a small platform, which was completely enclosed except for long, skinny horizontal strips that stretched around it, giving snipers something to shoot through. The only way to take out anyone in these towers was to get an incredibly lucky shot through the slit, or storm up the ladder and shoot them as you climbed.


So, what are your thoughts? I’d appreciate any length of feedback. Don’t be afraid to say that it’s pathetic, as long as you give me a reason :).


What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s